TOPIC: The Big Bang Theory Season 1 Transcripts
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Transcripts for episodes 01 to 09, season one, are currently on site and are also available as PDF downloads. Additional transcripts will be released shortly.
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[ Season One ]
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[ Season Three ]
Season One Transcripts
Episode 01: Pilot
Summary: Leonard and Sheldon abandon an attempt to raise money at the local sperm bank only to discover a new neighbor, Penny. Soon, the pair find another awkward adventure when they encounter the new neighbor's ex-boyfriend.
Sheldon Quote: "I have a sister with the same basic DNA mix who hostesses at Fuddruckers."
Episode 02: The Big Bran Hypothesis
Summary: Leonard's offer to receive a furniture package for Penny leads to trouble when Sheldon can't resist the urge to clean Penny's apartment.
Sheldon Quote: "In what space, sir? In what space? She's two feet above the ground. Frankly, if he really loved her he'd let her hit the pavement."
Episode 03: The Fuzzy Boots Corollary
Summary: Smitten by new neighbor Penny, Leonard slips into a a depression that has him resort first to cat shopping and later to trickery to snap him out of it.
Sheldon Quote: ""
Episode 04: The Luminous Fish Effect
Summary: Sheldon's flippant attitude with the new Caltech Department Head causes him to lose his job. After peculiar experiments and even more peculiar behavior follow, Leonard is forced to do the only thing he can--call Sheldon's mother.
Sheldon Quote: "I'm taking a sabbatical because I won't kowtow to mediocre minds."
Episode 05: The Hamburger Postulate
Summary: Leonard finds love, but not with Penny from across the hall. The romance is nothing but disturbing for roommate physicist Sheldon who can't figure out how to handle the situation.
Sheldon Quote: "You're talking to one of the three men in the Western hemisphere capable of following that train of thought."
Episode 06: The Middle Earth Paradigm
Summary: Penny invites all the guys over to a costumed Halloween party, but the geek squad encounters more than they expect from the social gathering.
Sheldon Quote: "I don't care if anybody gets it. I'm going as the Doppler Effect."
Episode 07: The Dumpling Paradox
Summary: Penny becomes the new Halo partner for the guys when Wolowitz finds himself involved in a trist with Penny's visiting friend. The guys find Penny less than reliable, however, as she turns down the next Halo night for an evening out dancing.
Sheldon Quote: "I don't know how but she is cheating. No-one can be that attractive and be this skilled at a video game."
Episode 08: The Grasshoper Experiment
Summary: Rajesh's parents meddle by setting him up with a childhood friend. He discovers he can talk with women, so long as he has some alcohol in him. Before long he is treating his parent's setup to an obnoxious evening out.
Sheldon Quote: "It says keep this on your person at all times. It's right here under Batman's signature."
Episode 09: The Cooper-Hofstadter Polarization
Summary: Leonard and Sheldon butt heads over a research paper that Sheldon has no interest in presenting to those attending a respected conference.
Sheldon Quote: "As I have explained repeatedly, unlike you, I don't need validation from lesser minds."
Episode 10: The Loobenfeld Decay
Summary: Opportunity knocks for Penny as she gains a singing role in a play. Leonard lies to her to avoid having to attend, but Sheldon's nervousness over the fib quickly rolls out of control.
Sheldon Quote: "Artificial intelligences do not have teen fetishes."
[ Transcript ] Air Date: 03/24/08
Episode 11: The Pancake Batter Anomaly
Summary: Sheldon's germophobia is realized after Penny returns from a trip and he falls ill with a flu. The rest of the guys enter into emergency mode--avoiding Sheldon at all costs.
Sheldon Quote: "When I'm laying comatose in a hospital relying on inferior minds to cure me, these jello cultures and my accompanying notes will give them a fighting chance."
[ Transcript ] Air Date: 03/31/08
Episode 12: The Jerusalem Duality
Summary: Sheldon's superiority complex comes under attack when 15-year old genius Dennis Kim crosses his path. Soon, the rest of the guys are devising plans to rid Sheldon of the young prodigy to in order to return the Caltech genius back to normal.
Sheldon Quote: "Where the noble, semi-skilled laborers execute the vision of those who think and dream. Hello, oompa-loompas of science."
[ Transcript ] Air Date: 04/14/08
Episode 13: The Bat Jar Conjecture
Summary: Sheldon and the guys have a falling out as a "physics bowl" approaches, and Sheldon is certain that he can outwit the entire team of Leonard, Howard, Rajesh, and a surprise last minute addition.
Sheldon Quote: "I need my wrist brace. All this button pushing is aggravating my old Nintendo injury."
[ Transcript ] Air Date: 04/21/08
Episode 14: The Nerdvana Annihilation
Summary: Leonard inexplicably finds himself the owner of a large time machine replica. The unwieldy toy causes trouble for him and Penny, forcing Leonard to re-evaluate his nerdy interests.
Sheldon Quote: "In a Venn diagram, that would be an individual located within the intersection of the sets, 'no longer want my time machine,' and, 'need $800.'"
[ Transcript ] Air Date: 04/28/08
Episode 15: The Pork Chop Indeterminacy
Summary: A gorgeous woman suspiciously appears in the Caltech office of Sheldon and causes the rest of the guys to swoon. Bewildered, they quickly discover that she is Sheldon's sister, Missy, a fact the genius suddenly doesn't take so lightly.
Sheldon Quote: "So, there is the possibility, however remote, that resting in her loins is the potential for another individual as remarkable as myself."
[ Transcript ] Air Date: 05/05/08
Episode 16: The Peanut Reaction
Summary: Penny is determined to throw Leonard a birthday party after discovering that he grew up never having celebrated one. Trouble ensues as she enlists the other guys to her cause.
Sheldon Quote: "On my twelfth birthday, I really wanted a titanium centrifuge so, you know, I could separate radioactive isotopes."
[ Transcript ] Air Date: 05/12/08
Episode 17: The Tangerine Factor
Summary: A love spat between Penny and her most recent boyfriend aid the romantic inclinations of Leonard, and Penny agrees to date him. Soon, the pair are wondering if they made the right decision and each receive unusual but similar advice from Sheldon.
Sheldon Quote: "I believe Szechuan Palace has been passing off orange chicken as tangerine chicken, and I intend to confront them."
[ Transcript ] Air Date: 05/19/08
