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TOPIC: Bazinga! Cooper Quality Practical Jokes

Surely you recall the effort Sheldon Cooper made in carrying out his complex practical joke on Kripke during in season three's episode, The Vengeance Formulation. Never mind that the prank didn't go exactly as planned. The point is, Sheldon proves that practical jokes are an eminent and proper response to a call for revenge and humiliation.

In honor of the example set down by Sheldon, we offer the first of an ongoing series we like to call Cooper Quality Practical Jokes. While tacit approval hasn't been made, we're confident that our practical jokes would delight Sheldon, and you too.

Read on to get a career in clever prankery under way.

Heebie Jeebies

For some, the sensation of encountering a disgusting critter can generate a nervous system response scientifically described as the "heebie jeebies." Inducing this reaction can therefore be an easy way to develop a powerful practical joke to pull on an unsuspecting mark.

Take, for example, roaches. Just hearing the word is enough to send some into a fit of repulsive shivers.

Did you know that you can buy them? And not just any, regular ole' roach either. A dozen hulking, hissing (yes, hissing) Madagascar roaches can be obtained for as little as $30.

These monstrous, 3-inch long roaches produce an impressive snarl, or hiss, by way of gas passing through spiracles on their abdomen. What's more, they are incredible climbers and can access even the most unexpected places.

Prankifying these insects is as easy as secreting them into to the home, office, or vehicle of the target. Trust us, they'll do the rest.

Take note--a local or state permit may be required just to purchase and own Madagascar Hissers. However, if that is a problem, other species without this hurdle can be acquired while still managing a very effective "Bazinga!"

Keyboard of Vegetating Doom

Is your target going out of town? If so, opportunity arises for an interesting yet mostly harmless prank.

This practical joke works best if you can visit the target's computer keyboard while he is on vacation--to ensure access, suggest that you'll tend the target's house to water plants and feed pets.

Indeed, you really will be watering the plants.

Carefully remove the keys using a screwdriver or sturdy nail file and pad the exposed keyless-back with cotton or paper towel. Gently dampen the new "soil" with water. Naturally, replace the keys so "Bazinga!" is spelled out prominently. (Use the "@" symbol if you don't have a second "A" key handy--such as "B@ZINGA!")

Next, arrange seeds of a fast growing plant in between the newly replaced keys. Many grasses provide tiny, quickly germinating seeds that work well for this practical joke. Other options include onion, radish, or cress seeds.

If needed, pre-empt the practical joke by germinating seeds in advance, moving in to plant the sprouters at an opportune moment. This works well if only a short period is available before the target encounters her keyboard again, but is still enough time for the sproutlings to nestle in--a day or so is adequate for many pre-germinated seeds.

I Come Bearing Donuts

Because of the voracious way people diverge on boxes of free donuts, this practical joke is ideal to strike multiple targets who congregate at the same location.

You can also preface this prank as a "truce" offering for the "ridiculous" way you've acted in the past. Or implant the box using a confederate--a friend or accomplice the mark may not recognize or notice.

Purchase a quantity of donuts fit for the number of marks in mind. Make sure the donuts are delicious and varied in type but include a good mixture of jelly-filled yum-yums among the jumble.

Craft your practical joke using the jelly-donuts. Cream-filled donuts can work but require a lot more patience and care, and are generally difficult compared to jelly-filled cousins. We don't recommend them.

Heat each for around 10 or 15 seconds in a microwave. The idea is to liquefy the jelly enough that the majority pours from the doughy shell. Discharge the runny goo onto a plate or cup --you'll need it later to mask your deception.

Once emptied of their contents, use common but unexpected condiments as a new donut wadding. Many dispensers have nozzles ideal for the task including ketchup, mustard, cheeses, thick Asian or Mexican sauces, and similar fillers. Mix a foul combination of them all if the mood strikes.

Replace and tidily re-fill entrance holes with jelly extracted earlier. Be gentle and attentive, you don't want the doughnuts to appear man-handled.

You may need to slightly chill the donuts to solidify the new contents. Before delivering the taste-bud bombs, warm them back to room temperature or cool all donuts together--newly filled or not--eliminating all warning signs of the impending practical joke.

Looking Ahead

Have some ideas fit for future articles in our upcoming series of Cooper Quality Practical Jokes? Check our contact page and email us with your most clever and devious pranks.

We won't accept practical jokes of a harmful, drug-centric, or illegal manner, so don't consider suggestions of the kind.

Other Resources

Topline's Roach Nest Online