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TOPIC OF INTEREST: Learn Klingon in 24 Hours

Language of villains. The warrior's tongue. Occasionally used by Sheldon to sling insult and threat. That's right, we mean Klingon. Talking in it, that is.

Nothing says "my inner geek is bigger than your inner geek" than ripping out a choice phrase in the speech of those bony-headed yet beloved space criminals from Star Trek. You know you want to learn it but it's tough to pick up a new language--isn't it? Learn Klingon in 24 hours no less?

Bazinga! Yeah, we got you. Unless you're a genius like Sheldon, it won't be easy and it probably isn't going to happen in 24 hours.

According to Arika Okrent, in a book she wrote with a title that could leave a person nearly breathless (see other resources below), only a few dozen people on the entire planet can speak the language fluently. Most who have made the attempt know a small collection of phrases, relying on Klingon dictionaries and electronic aids to engage in feeble Klingon conversation.

Frankly, given the rarity of a real speaker, feeble Klingon is probably enough to flex your geek-muscle over less dedicated inferiors.

Sheldon Cooper, for his part, demonstrated his superior knowledge of the language in "The Creepy Candy Coating Corollary" when Wil Wheaton had to confirm with Stuart if he was understanding Sheldon's Klingon insult correctly. If you're ever going to have a chance at gaining the respect of Sheldon, you'll have to at least understand him when he insults you in Klingon.

Getting Started

So, it's hard, arcane, and doesn't offer many fluent speakers for you to be around. How is a person to get started?

One way is with the official Star Trek Klingon Dictionary. For about $5 to $10, and according to the publisher, you can quickly learn important phrases such as "Surrender or die!" and the ever useful "Active the transport beam."

For serious students, a proper dictionary and grammar aid is only the beginning. You'll have to sober up and really put the eyes and ears to work if you want more than a meager grasp of Klingon.

To do that, you'll need to head over to the Klingon Language Institute, or KLI.

From the Tao Te Ching translated into Klingon (with English text on facing pages) to the very latest in new Klingon vocabulary, the KLI is a must visit resource for advanced Klingon students and scholars alike.

No joke, Klingon is a serious business at the KLI. Honorary titles are passed down from one esteemed grammarian to the next. We're not kidding.

Yearly conferences are also held to allow both beginners and supreme speakers rattle eardrums over the latest Star Trek news in the oft-guttural sounding language.

Even sacred human literature--be it the Bible or Shakespeare--is avidly re-scribed through ongoing Klingon writing projects meant to add to a corpus of translated works. All this for your geeky pursuit of the language.

Other Resources

Other resources include various online translators and assistants. MrKlingon.org is one example that includes translation aids for not just Klingon, but the Trekky Vulcan and Romulan, among other languages. Last we checked, the Java based translator wasn't available but the non-Java version was up and ready for plumbing the Klingon tongue. Eww, that sounds revolting.

Find out more by checking into our article sources:

Arika Okrent, In the Land of Invented Languages: Esperanto Rock Stars, Klingon Poets, Loglan Lovers, and the Mad Dreamers Who Tried to Build A Perfect Language.
(We told you it was breathtaking.)

Marc Okrand, The Official Star Trek Klingon Dictionary

Klingon Language Institute (KLI)