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TOPIC: Sheldon Cooper's Sex Secret REVEALED!

Prepare yourselves--we're about to reveal Sheldon's sex secret!
(image: Jenny Rollo/Sxc.hu)

Speculation has filled the air regarding Sheldon Cooper's proposed sexual affinities. Consider these chattery examples regarding Cooper's apparently questionable preference:

1. TV Squad: "'Big Bang' Bazinga! Could Sheldon be gay?"
2. Perez Hilton: "Guess Who Is Not Gay On The Big Bang Theory!"
3. Entertainment Weekly: "'Big Bang Theory' mystery: Is Sheldon Gay?"

Admittedly, Sheldon's closest compadres have considered the topic in confused tone. In answer to Penny's perplexity, Leonard once pronounced the running theory that "Sheldon has no deal" and is more or less an asexual being.

(Refer to season two's episode "The Cooper-Nowitzki Theorem" if you don't recall.)

Chuck Lorre, the guy we point at for starting this recent hubbub, more recently defined Sheldon as neither straight nor gay, but "other."

Other? Really? Come on Chuck. Don't you know the mind of your star genius by now?

We at SheldonFan.com have our own hypothesis, one we're pretty sure is Sheldon Cooper's sex secret. Are you ready to know?

Ever since season two's episode "The Bath Item Gift Hypothesis" we've become certain Sheldon is growing "Nimette" from the famed Nimoy-Napkin given as a gift by Penny. It only makes sense, Nimette would make the perfect female for Sheldon and we're sure his genius mind stumbled upon the same conclusion. How could he not?

We also think Sheldon restricts access to his room, not because of some peculiar obsessive-compulsive quirk, but due to a desire to avoid contamination of Nimette cultures he is developing.

Our forensic specialist's projected image of Sheldon's Nimoy-Napkin turned Nimette.
(image: NASA/wmc)

No bar hopping, no zany Craigslist ads, no embarrassing befuddlement when a potential mate refuses to list family lineage and heritable flaws on a questionnaire. Nope, just a pre-determined set of highly desirable genetic traits raised in a controlled environment.

It's so "Sheldon Cooper" we can hardly stand the off-target gossip.

As a side note, some of you may not realize the Nimoy-Napkin is real. Seriously, an actual The Big Bang Theory, Leonard Nimoy signed napkin was sold for $1,100 during a Beit T'Shuvah charity event last year. Talk over the napkin also led to speculation about a possible Nimoy appearance on the show.

We think the idea very likely, albeit with a Leonard Nimoy bearing a long, blonde wig and a thick layer of sexy, red lipstick.

Sheldon and Spock would agree--it's the only logical answer.