Season 1 | Episode 01 -- Pilot | Scene 1

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Scene 1 - Indeterminate Hallway

(Leonard and Sheldon walk down an indeterminate hallway.)

Sheldon: So if a photon is directed through a plane with two slits in it and either slit is observed, it will not go through both slits. If it's unobserved it will. However, if it's observed after it's left the plane but before it hits its target, it will not have gone through both slits.

Leonard: (shrugs) Agreed, what's your point?

(Leonard opens door in hallway and the two slowly enter.)

Sheldon: There's no point, I just think it's a good idea for a t-shirt.

(The pair enter, Sheldon closes door. They approach a receptionist who studies a crossword puzzle.)

Leonard: Excuse me?

Receptionist: (waves hand toward the pair) Hang on.

(Several seconds pass before Leonard leans to look at the crossword puzzle.)

Leonard: One across is Aegean. Eight down is Nabakov. Twenty-six across is MCM. Fourteen down is ... move your finger ... phylum, which makes fourteen across Port-au-Prince.... See? (pointing at crossword) Papa Doc's capital idea--that's Port-au-Prince. (pauses uncomfortably) Haiti.

Receptionist: Can I help you?

Leonard: Yes. (Sheldon nods to Leonard) Um ... is this the ... high IQ sperm bank?

Receptionist: If you have to ask maybe you shouldn't be here.

Sheldon: I think this is the place.

Receptionist: Fill these out.

(Leonard accepts clipboards from the receptionist.)

Leonard: Thank you. We'll be right back.

Receptionist: Oh, take your time. I'll just finish my crossword puzzle.... (looks at crossword) Oh wait.

(Leonard and Sheldon sit and look over the forms.)

Sheldon: Leonard, I don't think I can do this.

Leonard: What, are you kidding? You're a semi-pro.

Sheldon: No, we are committing genetic fraud. There's no guarantee that our sperm is going to generate high IQ offspring--think about that. I have a sister with the same basic DNA mix who hostesses at Fuddruckers.

Leonard: Sheldon, this was your idea. A little extra money to get fractional T1 bandwidth in the apartment?

Sheldon: I know, and I do yearn for faster downloads ... but there's some poor woman who is going to pin her hopes on my sperm. What if she winds up with a toddler who doesn't know if he should use an integral or a differential to solve for the area under a curve?

Leonard: I'm sure she'll still love him--

Sheldon: I wouldn't.

Leonard: Well ... what do you want to do?

Sheldon: I want to leave.

Leonard: Okay.

Sheldon: What's the protocol for leaving?

Leonard: I don't know--I've never reneged on a proffer of sperm before.

Sheldon: Let's try just walking out.

Leonard: (quieter) Okay.

(The duo glance at the receptionist to see if she is watching them. They discreetly place the clipboards on a wait-room table and rise from their seats, walking slowly toward the door.)

Receptionist: (still looking at her paper) Bye!

Leonard: (waving awkwardly) Bye-nice meeting you.